My firstborn, you bestowed upon me the most cherished title: “Mother.” When a woman becomes a mother, it often becomes her most favored role, with others—daughter, sister, wife, friend—taking a back seat. She becomes a mother first and everything else later.
I embraced motherhood at an age considered quite late by Indian standards. Perhaps due to this delay, I became a fiercely protective mother, lol! My children meant the world to me, and I was ready to confront anyone who troubled you or your brother. Of course, I reprimanded both of you quite often, believing it was for your betterment. I may have been wrong at times, but I was a new mother without a manual of “Do’s and Don’ts” in child-rearing.
Maybe due to my flawed approach, I started noticing rebellious streaks in you, which was an eye-opener. Thanks to my clinical psychologist friend, who pointed out my mistakes and taught me better ways to interact with you both, I have tried to implement her advice as much as I can, though I am unsure how successful I’ve been.
You might wonder why your mom is writing this letter and sharing all this. The reason is my argument with your dad yesterday, which has left me quite disturbed. I haven’t spoken to him since, and he hasn’t attempted to reconcile, even though he usually takes the first step to say “sorry” and resolve our fights. I felt he was unreasonable and wrong in his attitude towards you. That “ferocious mother” in me awakens even when it’s the father speaking against his own daughter.
But the silence of the home here in Mumbai gives me ample time to reflect. As I ponder, I remember how, when you were a child, he loved you so much that he was against the idea of having another child. He still loves you deeply. However, men are generally not good at expressing their feelings and sometimes display actions contrary to their emotions. Why they do so, only God knows!
Anyway, as a mother, I feel you are an adult now and have the right to make your own choices in life. I respect and accept whatever you decide. But your father does not see you as an adult yet; he sees you as his young, “inexperienced with the ways of the world” daughter. While I encourage your independent thought process and let you learn from your own experiences, your father, wise as he is, knows it is not easy to swim against the current!
It is his little darling daughter involved here. He wants to protect you and therefore insists upon you to go with the flow. Standing strong against established societal norms is no easy task; the criticism that follows can break the composure of even the strongest individuals. He feels you are delicate and won’t be able to handle it. It is easier to be one among the masses than to stand out alone.
So now, my dear daughter, I hope you can understand the predicaments and feelings of both your parents. Both love you.
Not just as a mother, but as another woman, I can see your confidence, resilience, understanding ability, your sincerity in all your works, your focused mind, and your strong desire to be what you want to be! Though my love is unconditional, your dad places some conditions regarding your dressing style, religious beliefs, socializing, the profession you want to pursue, etc. In his perception, these are to make your life easier and hassle-free in the long run.
He wants to make life easier for you by following the path most taken—where you know the pits and falls, so that you can avoid them and move on safely. His thought process is also not wrong, isn’t it?
I am here to support you through the thick and thin of life, through all the challenges which come your way. But I will not be around forever… That’s the way of life… You have to remember this and decide now whether you would rather choose a simpler path and move on in life or really want to swim against the current and choose a path less trodden…
Love you loads, dear daughter ❤️ 😘 💕
Mom